I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
