if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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