Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
