We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
