She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They have beer where we have blood.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
