They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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