i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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