I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
