also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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