you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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