The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Enjoy the penises
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
