9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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