he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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