Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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