If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
