so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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