hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
