Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
