Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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