it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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