I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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