So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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