matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
