Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
