Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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