so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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