Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
