One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
