Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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