OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
