And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
