Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
