everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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