Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
