She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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