tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
