I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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