That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
