Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
