non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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