woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
