the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
