dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
