i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
