Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
