Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
