I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
