Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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