If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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