I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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