He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
