Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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