she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
