Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
